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Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in Believing in Magic's LiveJournal:

Thursday, August 12th, 2010
1:45 pm
[luna_bear8]
Think of me
When your left standing all alone in a world so cold and cruel. When you hear the serenade of a string quartet. When you hear the lullaby of true hearts. Will you think of me? When I'm down on my knees and you can't see me, will you think of me? When your left standing alone in this cruel world come find me, come into my arms, into my heart when you've hurt your last, come find me. When your scared when your down and out, when you've strung yourself out from rolling too hard. When your standing all alone in a party, at a rave, in your classroom, at your job, in this cruel world, come find me, and I'll hold your hand. When you've been told that your lifestyle is wrong won't you think of me? How i treated you way too fairly. And now are you left standing? Isn't this life just like a cold dream? Can you still see me? Am I more to you than just a dream? You are all I have thought of all that I have pondered in the ramblings of this pretty mouth. When the loss is like a sea of despair, when the pain is like a gaping wound of what should've been But can this broken heart trully follow the stars? Your all this broken heart has wanted and yet you reject me like a passing thought. Think of me, think of the dreams that we have shared. For once I'm begging you on my knees. Let us relive the start, the times we swore we'd never part, your all I had wanted, all I wanted, all I dreamed of, all I felt so strongly in the dreams of the night. But it, but I wasn't enough, and I watched you depart. Leaving this heart saying "Please no more," Will you remember the times I held you in my arms and told you of my premonition that our passion would soon end, and that soon youd be just a memory as I paced the shower and cried. I fell asleep in your arms after we made love, now I'm asleep on my couch singing "All I wanted was you." Are you too far out there for me to find? Has life ever treated any soul fairly? Has reality? Now I'm the one thats out there being thrown to my knees. Its a crying shame that our passion is now a string symphony. A shame that our souls only united in one last time in a picture. And now Im so deep I think of my actions of every harsh word shpoken, I realize now that live giveth and taketh away so why tempt fate to take away with hate and judgemental words. If I could relive all of my starts would I remember to slow down and feel your heart? Your all I had ever wanted. When I had held your hand I had felt the hope of eternity. Shall we meet there after the pain love? Meet me there. But eternity isn't promised, happiness is not promised only the frivoulous pursuit but in the end we all die alone. Yes we all die alone. And my mind does amazing things and yet cannot muster the ability to show you my heart, to make certain you don't depart. So I'll pace my apartment a few times with my mind stuck in a cell of limited words and actions. And limited ability to make this work. But just like the struggling day moth tapping reapeatedly at your windowsill, to be free and happy, don't help my burdened soul save me now and give me a harshe start and bitter ending and when my wings stop fluttering and my eyes rest on the stars then stop and think that all my heart all my dying heart sings is "All I wanted was you."
Friday, December 2nd, 2005
1:16 am
[olly20082]
The Things I'll Miss
I'm gonna miss your touch,
and the safety of your embrace,
I'm gonna miss the way you used to look at me,
and seeing myself in your eyes,
I'm gonna miss you tickling me,
and any other excuse you found to touch me,
I'm gonna miss you calling me beautiful,
and telling me you love me every day,
I'm gonna miss being with you for the next 5 years,
and finally saying "I do,"
but most of all,
I'm gonna miss you.
Sunday, July 31st, 2005
3:55 pm
[spichik453]
Untitled

I am lost in a maze of my own design.
And I can't seem to find my way out.
Twists, turns, and dissapointments around every corner.
I don't remember making my maze.
Even worse, I don't remember entering.
How did I get in? How do I get out?
The exit is a soulution to all my problems.
It is one I do not wish to find just yet.
I have spent my entire life trying to please.
I will dye trying to please my friends, my family, the world.
The only problem with pleaseing others is that it leaves no time for me.
I've locked 'me' up in a corner and she can't escape.
If I was ever to be set lose, people would only find a dissapointment.
Inside I am selfish and want to be seen and heard at all times.
I help others and become invisable.
If they notice, I doubt they'd care.
Who cares about a person they can't see or hear?
If I were sexy they'd notice.
If I spoke intellegnetly, then someone would hear.
But I am neither sexy or skinny.
I talk like an idiot and tease too much.
They drown me out in their attempts to find themselves.
Who wants to look for a fat, stupid girl?
It is self dobut that got me so lost.
Fear of finding the beginning or end keeps me lost.
We are dust in the beginning and end.
The two are always one in the same.
The beinning is withou existance.
There is nothing but emptiness and a hunger at the beginning.
No love, no hate, not lost, not found, a state of 'just are.'
We start with an unfufilling emptiness, we end the same.
Nothing is left at the end, an exit into black.
It is an empty stage with no audience.
They have all left, with you standing alone in silence.
There is no love, no hate, only nothingness and a thirst.
The end of the show has come to a black room.
A red exit sign flahses over the door, the maze's exit.
There is no where else to go, all the other doors are locked.
Slowly, you open the door, trying to take your time.
A giant wind throws open the door, pushing you through.
A threshold to an end, to the nothingness beginning.
I found my way outo fo my own maze to find,
Nothing.

Current Mood: ok
Thursday, June 16th, 2005
11:47 pm
[olly20082]
As we go through life,
do we ever stop and think...
just think...
what it would be like to walk
in another's shoes?

The man on the corner,
who begs for a dollar.
The little girl with the disease,
that has brought her family to their knees.

As we go through life,
do we ever stop and think...
just pause and think...
what it would be like to walk
in another's shoes?

The family who can't pay,
the debt on a house.
The person who has to rely,
on machines to stay alive.

As we go through life,
do we ever stop and think...
just think...
what it would be like to walk,
in another's shoes?
11:20 pm
[olly20082]
stupid poem that i found
ok, i wrote this...but it's dumb...but here goes

I wrote your name in a circle
cause a circle never ends.
But I guess this circle never
started because you were just my friend.
As I slowly erased the circle,
I grew very sad.
Because you didn't like me,
I'll never know what we could have had.
Monday, June 6th, 2005
10:56 pm
[olly20082]
Perfect Poem
This was written by a girl at my camp a few years back...and i liked it.

Sitting so lovingly, he strokes her hair,
rubbing her shoulder comforting her soul.
Holding hands just sitting caught in the moment.
They're sweet so sweet, just sitting.
Talking about family, looking at oncomers.
Stuck in the moment.
She talks, he nods.
Not aware of time, just holding.
Time slipping away like water in cupped hands.
He kisses her cheek, she smiles.
Head on head, shoulder on shoulder.
A perfect poem.
Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
10:39 pm
[olly20082]
I wrote this last year
my heart, cold and gray as a tombstone, your hate and lonliness are a dagger stuck through it.
why did you do it all at once? (the pain)
one stab would have sufficed...i did not need five.
and so i have died at your hands (so cold)
although i walk on two legs, i dwell in a tomb (darkness)
i have become a forgotten sculpture in a park,
people look at me, but they don't see me.
inside, i am screaming.
i need to be set free...released,
i do not relish in my imprisonment (so empty)
nor do i enjoy complete freedom.
i need someone to set me free
release me from myself - my prison.
10:37 pm
[olly20082]
You are a light that shines in the dark.
You are the one with whom I will share my life, my future.
You listen to my dreams.
You tell me to follow them.
You hold me when I am weak.
You make me smile when I am sad.
You are the answer to my prayers.
You complete my world.
Thursday, April 21st, 2005
9:42 pm
[olly20082]
Untitled
I'm scared and trembling as he locks the door and tells me that I'm beautiful.
He puts his arms around me, I trusted him!
He leans in, kisses me, my mind-screaming,
My body-numb, he tries to remove my innocently white sweater.
I stop his hands,
I tell him I can't do this as my tears begin to fall.

I run to you and you listen to my story.
I feel safe just being in your presence.
Now, four months later, I still run to you.
And you are there to hold me.
Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
6:47 pm
[spichik453]
Upstairs

I have walked the steps a thousand times,
Only to have tripped a hundred times more.
Each step as familiar as the next;
Old, worn and in the same place as before.
But still I stumble, still I fall.
And when I fall, I tumble.
Down.
Down.
Down.
Down.
Until at last I reach the bottom step.
A laugh escapes my lips, echoing in the stairwell.
I stand up, and dust off my pants.
Taking one step, up the stairs again.
I'll walk them stairs over and over again.
One thousand and one times.

Current Mood: sick
Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
12:15 am
[spichik453]
Untitled
You just cant hear me yell
the words grow louder than my own voice
i feel as though you cant see me
hello, i am me, did you know that
i dont
can i even hear my own voice
you cant hear me yell
i cant hear my own whisper

And even if you could hear or see would you care
the pain is so tangible to me
i dont know how to make it stop
the escape is missing
no way out
could you be there to break my fall
i throw my arms out and miss

And even if you cared, would it even matter at all?
Friday, March 4th, 2005
8:09 pm
[olly20082]
Tears
She sat alone crying silent tears as the world whizzed by outside her door. People getting ready for dates and drinking their inhibitions down the drain people talking about who wore what today in class and how much she likes him and about people breaking up and people hooking up and who is the slut this week and who yelled at whom and who is rooming together next year and the next exam for their class. “Does it ever stop?” she wonders as she sits alone crying silent tears as the world whizzes by outside her door.
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
1:09 pm
[spichik453]
Tears On A Stone
“Tears On A Stone”

She cried for help.
But nobody heard her.
“Be my friend” She pleaded.
But they just passed her,
Now all they know of her
Are three words engraved in stone.
Rest in Peace.
The loneliness got to her.
The pressure was just too much.
She popped one pill, then another,
Until she could no more, and the
Doctors called her dead.
She didn’t think a tear was going to be shed.
She didn’t know.
There was a guardian angel.
Who stands at the stone,
Tracing, tracing the letterings
Of her dear friend’s grave.
But then, nobody knew.
Nobody heard her cries for help.
If her angel had heard, maybe today,
Laughter would fill her lungs,
A smile engraved in her face,
Rather than on a stone.
There’d be love in her heart.
Listen for the little pleas.
Listen for the big cries,
And maybe one day you won’t have to trace
The letters of a once friend.
Be an angel,
Extend your hand.
Tell someone, “I’ll be your friend.”
All she asked “Be my angel.”

Current Mood: recumbent
Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
4:56 pm
[olly20082]
Wings
It's a story you hear everyday,
You hear it and you want to cry,
Another life carried away,
Why did that kid have to die?

You can't believe your own naivety,
It's no longer a song that a country star sings,
In the end it becomes reality,
In the end we all get perfect wings.
Monday, February 28th, 2005
1:38 pm
[spichik453]
Untitled

the darkness comforts
as the light slowly disintegrates
my body
my mind
my spirit
listens for the cold nights howl
the lone coyote signaling the end
i pull the blanket close
anger
shame
fear
all gone as the black wraps is arms around me
the light is blinding
i gasp for air
in failed attempts to hide in the dark
where security cannot be seen
i step into the tunnel with no light at the end
i smile
already long forgotten
no fear
no regret
no, there is nothing
blackness, night, everything is absent
Monday, December 20th, 2004
3:57 pm
[olly20082]
Moments, inspired by lyrics by Tim McGraw
Tell me how you feel
Say it all
No one can judge you
You are free to close your eyes and fall
So say exactly how you feel
This small moment in time
Could be all we ever find
I see everything I need in you
This is real
So tell me all your dreams
And what you think love means
I've found the truth
In the simple beauty of your heart
So say exactly how you feel
This small moment in time
Could be all we ever find

Current Mood: cheerful
Thursday, December 16th, 2004
1:03 pm
[olly20082]
Untitled
Do you know what you do to me?
You put butterflies in my stomach,
You put a smile on my face,
You give my heart wings
and it flies to a better place.
Do you know what I want to do?
I want to scream and shout,
I want to dance
and I want to sing,
All of this because of you.
11:04 am
[spichik453]
Found this one in the margins of my math notes

Untitled

You gave me hope when there was none
I believed in worlds beyond the sun
And even though you are gone
Your legacy keeps me living on
But since you kept me believing
I can keep on dreaming
That you'll come running
And I can love you again

Current Mood: stressed
Monday, December 13th, 2004
1:42 pm
[spichik453]
Well, thought I'd start with the first post.

Sorry I can't spell believe. Don't know why. Just can't. So yeah. Now this looks like a place for people that can't spell. I sure hope not. Becuase lets face it, don't want everyone looking down at me because its bad.

Here's my most recent poem. I wrote it on the bus, texting it to my friend, using her cell phone. Then came back and wrote it down.

Wingless

I hide behind my mask
My face they cannot see
For fear of truth revealed
In case they see the real me

I've lost who I am
Theres's no one left to find
A butterfly once prime
Is now without its wings

The darkness it eats
And like a moth to a flame
I'll vanish behind my mask
And walk into the rain

Current Mood: bored
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